I've never been a fan of tightropes - even balance beams. I've always felt that I'm going to fall. It's a fear of mine - falling.

So imagine putting someone in a few high stress positions and then making her walk across that balance beam of life. Yeah, it doesn't work too well.

While I have already decided that I'm going to go to Carroll University in Waukesha, Wisconsin (Go Pioneers!), the college process has become slightly stressful for me. I had, earlier this weekend, one fellowship application, one full-ride scholarship application and one honors program application. Then when I decided I didn't want to go anywhere but Carroll I realized I then needed to fill out my Intent to Enroll form.

Now, at about dinner time on Sunday I have my fellowship application in the mail, my honors program application just needs to be printed out and my full-tution scholarship needs some finishing. So while I have it under control, I still feel slightly stressed.

I'm stressed because there is a huge pressure on me to get as much money as possible for college despite the $13,000 I earned from being in the top ten percent of my class and being a leader. This pressure isn't just in the form of scholarship applications and keeping my grades up, but on improving my ACT score (I've got a 28 right now) and gettinga 4 on my AP Spanish test this May. Improving my ACT score won't help much for scholarship purposes for Carroll but apparently it will help with other things. It's like National Honor Society - pointless to the college who has already accepted me.

This year History Day has started stressing me out early. The theme this year, "Innovation and Impact in History" is an extremely difficult theme and my topic, "Jane Austen," while fun to learn about, has not provided many views on how she was innovative. I know once I email some professors from different universities I will have a better idea but again, that requires that I email them.

Because of the stress of school, college, History Day and other things I have decided to take a break from writing - my true love. It's painful to think that I am going to have to restrain myself from going full-out on writing whatever I'm working on so that I have time for less-fun endevours. I know however, that saving my imagination for NaNoWriMo should be beneficial.

So we'll see how the next two or three weeks goes. I'm going to be on this tightrope/balance beam for awhile and I need to learn how to balance. Let's hope there's a net below when I end up falling - because eventually I will fall - if not now, sometime.

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